To some, this question may seem absurd. But the reality is the number of women currently dealing with a situation where they, as the saying goes, “Want to have their cake and eat it too” happens more frequently than one would think. So what exactly does a situation like this look like, and what do you do?
Let’s paint a picture: a woman (or man, but we will just use a woman in this example), is single and free, probably after being stuck in a relationship for years that was less than satisfying. She now has a guy who has been in her life for some time, perhaps a good friend who has become more over the years, but there are complications that make the situation difficult. The other gentleman either has been around for a while too, or is more of a newcomer. Both men are extremely into this woman, and she longs for both in different ways, but just cannot decide which direction she should go as she enjoys the attention she gets from both.
The dilemma is that she has two really great guys on her hands. What sheer luck, as most women struggle to find one! One guy always has a specific set of characteristics that she absolutely adores, the other guy generally has an additional set of characteristics still admirable, but bringing out a totally different side of her – one that she finds thrilling. It’s always the case where one guy is the comfort blanket, while the other is something new and exciting.
The problem arises when the woman has to make a decision on which guy she will be exclusive with, because the fun of juggling both can only last for so long. Another obvious problem is that someone’s heart will get broken, and the fear of making the wrong decision is always at the forefront of the brain. However, breaking down the decision is really quite simple. Before a woman can even decide which guy she wants, she must first figure out what she is looking for at that point in her life. Perhaps she is seeking marriage and lifelong commitment, but the newer guy is single and just looking to have fun right now. He may not be worth investing time and energy into at this point. Or, she decides she is finished having children and does not want to play step-mom but the other guy has young children that he has joint custody of – this may not be the path she wants to take if she is looking to move in together in the future.
After she figures out which stage she is at in her life and what she’s actually seeking, it will be easy to assess the next thing: how does each guy make her feel? A man can have a great list of ideal traits on paper, but if one man makes you feel a lot more beautiful, wanted, and loved than the next, why settle?
As a Dating and Relationship coach, I have seen a lot of things: I do not believe you can be in love with two people at the same time. I feel you may love two people at the same time, but with one individual you will be in love, the other you may just love and want the best for them, more of a friends-only type of relationship. In the majority of cases, one will be love, and the other lust.
Always choose love. It’s not only stronger, but has greater chances for longevity – since that is what most of us are seeking.